Official Web Site
EBGS.co.uk is back online
We recently received the following email from Mr Wheeepy, heavily encrypted with fish stink, and - measured by our "network prong" - probably originating from his cavernous underground bunker in space, above Ipswich:
Dear "web master",
Is the EBGS site down.... Your cretinous attempt at hosting one of the most important and widely respected destinations on this and any other interwubs (sic) makes me want to spring up off this sun-lounger, catch the first plane from The Bahamas - where I'm currently residing making stylophones out of glands and glue (for the kids) - to England, come round to your face, and smush it about a bit in a vaguely threatening manner.
It was you who got us all hooked on this interfud (sic) business in the first place, with your big shiny dreams. "It's the new 'acid-rock-slop-hop'", you said. So, dutifully we stopped recording the second album and started an online shop selling fish-heads, sombreros, and jam. Ring any bells, muchacho?
You were put in charge of the tubes. Clear them! With your CYBER-HANDS!
After consulting a lawyer, a barber, and the old man who lives under a crisp packet up the way and torments cats by shapeshifting into the form of a toad sucking the useless bloated organs out of any one of the interchangeable entrants to "Big Brother", we have been advised to reinstate the site.
Through painstaking efforts and many hours spent labouring over a food hydrator, E.B. Rock Star has supplied us with shiny new versions of the first eight tracks of Large Scary Nasal Hair. The hiss is gone, replaced by a wide range of previously unrecognised frequencies that will rattle around your ear chambers for months.
Unreleased EBGS classic extracted from the archives
As rumoured yesterday, an EBGS track not released on the album has been uncovered for the first time. A cover version of 'You're so beautiful', originally by the band Bent, manages to be both funky and heart renchingly emotion at the same time. Humourous asides abound but are so masterfully interjected that they do not take away from Meester Wheeepy's fine vocal talents, heard here in full bloom.
Thanks to the sterling work of E.B. Rock Star and his food rehydrator, here is the track you couldn't even bring yourself to dream existed. Enjoy!
EBGS re-union through cutting edge technical advancement known as 'Email'
Previously thought desiccated to near death during an obtuse squid problem, both Meester Wheeepy and El Bastardos Rock Star have appeared to add their comments to the feedback page.
Rumour of previously unreleased EBGS track!
EXCLUSIVE: The EBGS recorded a song not featured on the album, 'Large Scary Nasal Hair', and this may be making an appearance on the site sometime in the future!!
Nasal Hair master tape found inside giant blue dogs head
It has now been discovered that the the original master tapes for 'Large Scary Nasal Hair' reside with El Bastardos Rock Star.
Speaking earlier, like some crazed techno gnome, E.B. Rock star warned "The AMPEX tape that was used (along with several other brands) during the 80s and early 90s had a flaw in it's chemical composition which meant that it absorbed moisture from the air. After it absorbed a lot of moisture it became unplayable because the change in chemical composition screeches against the tape transport and record/playback heads meaning you get a sound like someone filing metal through all the music."
But EBGS fans should not panic! According to El Bastardos Rock Star:
"This may actually improve the music."
EBGS battles rot with kitchen appliance
"I just tried the EBGS tape and sure enough it's started to ROT!" So came the news many had feared. As fans wait with bated breath, caught in a fraught moment of music history, E.B. Rock Star advises patience: "I've put it in the food dehydrator and am baking it. Should be done in about 4 or 5 hours."
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